Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she peed on how many people?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
