walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
