I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
