im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
