I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
