it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize