hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
