YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
