meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
