Tell her she can't have a vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
