...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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