Will you blow on my dice?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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