I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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