you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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