you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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