so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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