It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
