tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i now understand why vodka
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
