How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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