You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
