Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
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I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize