If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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