I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
