Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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