Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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