it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
