She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
