Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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