I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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