My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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