hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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