While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
