On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize