My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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