i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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