When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
