Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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