Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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