Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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