put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
