It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
