you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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