yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
