FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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