I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
