By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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