Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
