I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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