I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
not ubering you a puppy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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