Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag