the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
