You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it because I queefed?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.