She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
