laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.