YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour