i think my mom watched the whole time
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza