Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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