woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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