I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
