Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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