The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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