yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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