That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
