He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize