The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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