My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
