How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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