He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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