i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
