Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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