The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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