May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
