I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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