...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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