So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
