I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
