You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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