Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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