my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
