I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
