There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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