i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
