I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
