i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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