It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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