if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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