I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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