just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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