Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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