I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how drunk are you?
Several
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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