Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
